Crazy n' Lost

I hate losing things! Not knowing where some things are just drives me bonkers! For example, if I can't find my cellular phone, I go ballistic! And now you may say, "Well, duh! Why don't you just call your phone? This is a good question at which I have a couple answers.

First, how do you expect me to call my lost phone when I don't have a phone, remember it's lost! OK, OK, there may be other persons around me to call my phone. So the second thing is, my phone is always on vibrate. So unless I crank up my superb listening skills (just ask my wife) the lost phone will continue to be lost; unless it's somehow taken off the island or dies!

Anyway, I usually end up finding it in my favorite chair, The Ugly Chair, lost in the deep abyss underneath the cushion. Or sometimes the couch has swallowed it along with several coins, some French Fries, two used crayons and billions of crumbs from food eaten on the couch as opposed to the kitchen table, where food should be consumed.

Back to losing things. There was one time when I lost a G. I. Joe action figure and I could not find it; hence I used the term lost. No this wasn't last week either. Anyway, as I was looking for it, eventually I found it. I was so excited I went to tell my mom I had found it. Of course in my quest to find the missing Joe, I questioned those around me, including my mother. Not that I suspected her as one who would take such objects, but possibly she would have great insight and intelligence as to where I may have misplaced the item.

Elated to once again return to playing, I told my mother of the find. She was talking with her sister, I think they were at the kitchen table, not important, but my aunt said to me, "Hey Billy, why is it when you are looking for something it is always in the last place you look?"

Boy, I was stumped! I seriously did not have a clue, and I am a quick one when it comes to wit, or at least I think so. She delayed slipping me the punch line just long enough to leave me with a glistening forehead, she then said, "It is because once you find the item you are looking for, you stop searching!" Man, oh man, I thought that was great!

Can you guess what I did? Well no need to guess further, I shall tell you. I turned around and searched one more spot for that missing toy. And it wasn't there! I know, crazy! But I got to report back to my enduring aunt and told her I did not find the toy in the last place I looked, "So there!"

From that moment forward, I have almost always (something around 98.2 percent, side note: 35 percent of statistics are made up on the spot.) I have almost always checked at least one other spot before calling the search party over; sometimes two spots if I'm feeling adventurous!

So if you are ever faced with a wise crack, not unlike my aunt, and they feed you that line of baloney, you can turn to them and reply, "Not always so!" So when life thinks you've hit the apex of craziness, punch it and go the extra mile, or kilometer if you are reading this outside the United States.